Reboot
May 12, 2018
Melide to Santiago; three days, 57km
I apologize for my blog going dark these last three
days. I believe and hope you will
understand as I share a spiritual transformation that has been occurring. It
was so amazing to me, dare I say, a miracle enveloping within me along these
days that I could not find words to express them until I reached Santiago. Here’s
what’s been happening.
Three days ago I hobbled into Melide. My foot pains and blisters, which started a
week prior, were insanely painful. I
gathered all the ‘fortitude’ I could muster to make it to this city. I’d been
here before, a really lovely city. My foot pain was serious and two
opportunities were available here. I knew of a clinic right in town and the
location of a bus station if I needed to ride ahead.
The clinician examined my foot, shook her head, and
said apologetically, “I am sorry. Your Camino is fin (ended). She well knew how
devastating such news is to a pilgrim.
It certainly tore my heart out. I was but 57km away, a mere 35 miles
away. I was just three days away, just
three. Because she could see the
agony in my every step, she walked to a counter, pulled something off the shelf
and returned. It was a cushioned pad
that is worn between and around the toes. It held a thick cushion for the ball
of the foot. As soon as it was slipped on my foot, there was an instant
comfort. The cushion reduced the sharp
contact of the footstep. She also examined a med I was carrying, but hadn’t
taken for fear of the symptoms. “These are a strong anti-inflammatory with pain
killer. They must be taken with food.”
I left feeling sad, but finally with some guidance. Before I walked out the door, the clinician ran
and caught me at the door, “Sir, take the medicine, rest your foot, and see how
it feels tomorrow. You might find enough improvement to be able to walk
carefully again.”
Hope. That was pure and sweet hope born out of my
weakness.
That evening I caught the pilgrim mass. I knelt in
prayer begging God what I should do, should I take the bus and be safe or do take
the chance of leaving this little haven and try to walk a shorter way and
slower? What if I got so pained I couldn’t go on? How would I get help in the
remote area ahead? I only knew one thing: I was weak and in crazy pain.
Drifting into my evening prayer was this scripture,
2 Corinthians 12:9
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more
gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
I so recall sitting on the bottom bunk in this old
albergue among a crowd of French speaking pilgrims. They were just doing the
pilgrim thing, but they had no idea of the heartache I was wrestling. I just
sat there and prayed. I prayed a man’s desperate prayer. “I am weak, Lord, and
I need you. You know my heart, and You well know how I long to finish this
Camino. I am just three days, just three ..single ..days ..away. But I
surrender it. I give the Camino back to you.”
I remember sleeping the sleep of dead that night. My
body was spent. I did recollect being grateful for the cushioned pad while I
walked to the washroom during the night. The morning held a far greater
surprise. I unthinkingly stepped out of bed to begin gathering belongs and
start the repacking my bag. I’d been
standing for a while until it dawned on me. My foot pain was now a 2-3 on the
pain scale, a great improvement from the 8-9 pain the night before. I tested
it. It’s way better.
I got geared up and back in my boots. My foot was tender, but manageable. Hope sunrised
in me, and His grace was present. Yea, it was like a holy presence. It was if
Christ did a “reboot” within me. I’ve
seen what a transformation this is when a computer program gets stuck and can’t
or won’t perform. A simple “reboot” will reenergize and bring power back into
the program. I was experiencing a spiritual reboot. A miracle was happening in
real time these last three days.
Don’t get me wrong. The trail would still demand
such physical exertion and my foot still pounded away, but prayer and faith
guarded my footsteps got me from Melide to Arzua, 15km away. I’d arrive
weakened and pained, but encouraged by a new power turbining in me. Ok, so this
will sound strange, but I felt a power I’d never recognized before by being,
well, weak. I was both
suffering, maintaining, and yet still feeling power generating within me. I don’t
know I fully understand this.
Day 2 of this miracle on foot, I left Arzua in hopes
of reaching Amenal, a location further out , with the motivation of making the
last day into Santiago shorter. A power moved
in me, one greater than I can explain. Whatever was energizing me also sustained
my foot pain for a distance of 23km. I
was the one walking, but I couldn’t understand how it was possible because once
the walking ended, the crazy pain returned during bedtime.
Today I arrived in Santiago. Praise you, Lord. I am
overrun with joy. Though it is much more
than joy, it is the full knowledge that it was His grace that was sufficient.
I suffer from weaknesses from six, agonizing
blisters, injury and inflammation on the ball of my foot, tendinitis, raging
athlete’s foot with burning and itching, a chest cold and hacking cough, and
stabbing pain between my shoulder blades from carrying my 19 pound backpack 200
miles.
To all of these I willingly boast. I beg, not for
any esteem for me, but in this fact. I have been graced to experience “the
power of Christ resting on me.”
Here’s the thing. It’s all about Him. No stubbornness
in me could have managed this. No grit in me could have made it over the
terrain and distance. It was one thing alone, and please make no mistake about
it.
I received a spiritual reboot followed by a power
given solely by Him. There was nothing heroic on my part. It was Him, only Him.
Perhaps this might find you at a time when you’re
feeling weak. Maybe you’re bearing up some crazy challenge with work and those
you work with. It may be a home issue with a loved one. Perhaps it’s something
you’re dreading or fearful. It might
just be that you’re just plain exhausted by all that life demands. Health
issues will deplete us and certainly make us weak too.
Here is my encouragement. Admit that you are weak
and in what way. Be boldly honest. So
many play the “I’m ok, I can handle it” macho image. In living behind this mask
one condemns themselves to prolonged stress and pain. Admitting weakness does
the opposite of what we initially reject our self-image of being a failure.
Admitting weakness is the honest step to new power. Owning our weakness creates
a vacuum that allows power to fill in the new gap. After all, who are we
fooling with that phony approach to God. Really?! He knows us, and He longs to
talk the real person bearing weaknesses.
Then we need only beg His help. What parent would refuse help to their child
who is struggling and hurt? No, we would rush to pick them up, wipe away their
tears, and lovingly comfort them. Our Father is a good, good father. He did
this for me, and will do this for you. Yes, for all of us.
What’s left? Surrender the outcome to His care. That is something many stubbornly
refuse. But there is something liberating
in surrender. The outcome allows us
to win.
The prize of surrender is a gift that we didn’t know we wanted, or were not even
aware we needed. It is precisely where faith grows, no flourishes!
I know this might all sound preachy. It was not my
intent, because in fact, these are the very steps that progressed in my “reboot”
these last days. My tears, and honestly
I literally cried tears in piercing blisters formed over blisters. Those tears
were not wasted. His grace was more than sufficient for me.
Is His grace sufficient enough for you? I pray it
is.
Fondly, Deacon Willie
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