Castojeriz

7 May 2013

Privileged

Buen Camino,

Today we walked 30.6 km. The albergue we intended to stay at was not open which pushed us on another 6k. This extra was a struggle. The sinus infection I fight takes my breath away and my stuffy nose running with green junk is so hampering. Well, there are problems and there are inconveniences. This is the latter.

The walk today was overcast with a cool nip in the air. It was the Meseta, a rolling plateau of relatively unchanging landscape. Some claim this is boring. I found it a gift. Because of the lack of elevations, I was able to walk without as much worry of falling or tripping on stones and rocks. It became a clean canvass for the artwork God would paint on my heart today. I don't know why I/we crave all the drama of striking landscapes in our life. Boring is good. This was a potent day of listening.

The good bishop and I had a wonderful conversation the other day about the imagery in John's gospel. He pointed to an example, the discussion of which, stirred me today.

He referenced a line in John that jdescribes that 'Nicodemus came to Jesus 'in the night.' Also that 'Judas left Jesus 'in the night.' One may dwell on the thought that John was merely pointing out the time of day these events occurred. I never contemplated it beyond that thought either. Eric suggested that for Nicodemus, he was trying to leave his darkness and enter into the light of Jesus. In Judas' case, he was leaving the light of Jesus and entering a place of darkness and sin. You see, one trying to shed darkness, one trying to flee the light into the darkness of sin.

The camino offers long periods of reflection. Mine today was in the company of Nicodemus. It began with my contemplation of what darkness still lingered within me. I was led to recall times I was playing God of my life. That is, the times I held on to the notion that if I did 'this' or accomplished 'this' and behaved like 'this' I deserved or earned the reward that I was aiming toward. It was a notion of a classic cause and effect relationship. I worked for it, I want it, I deserve it. Whatever the 'what' is.

In uglier moments, I recalled the moments during life when I was that spoiled little brat demanding my way because 'I want it.' Times when I insisted that I deserve it. Times when I was jaded or so full of myself or so consumed with what I want, and what I want because, after all, that's what's 'fair.' Yea, it was an ugly picture of a spoiled little boy always wanting and, dare I say, demanding his way because he believed he 'earned' it. I was full of all of the classic excuses and 'yes, but' and rationalizations of 'well the thing is.' As if I was Perry Mason presenting a law argument to God. Hilarious.

You can see now how Nicodemus wanted to flee the darkness. A few km of those recollections and how I wanted to shed the darkness and run to Jesus.

Gratefully, Jesus gave me a new insight today. That is, that I am 'privileged.'

Privileged. Then He rolled a slide show in my mind of the privileges in my life. It was like the movie, A Wonderful Life, and I just discovered Zuzu's pedals. Privileges of all the undeserved privileges/graces in my life.

It was a privilege to be Ray and Mickey's boy. My mom and dad were fiercely hard working blue collar workers. I recall an awareness moment when learning the reason my dad wore the same dress shoes, year after year, was because of a sacrifice he made to keep us kids in shoes we kept outgrowing.

It was a privilege to have the college education I had and ministry training in the church. My mom, grandma, my sweet Aunt Jen and Uncle Len were/are radiant examples of Catholic worship.

It was a privilege marry so well and into such a powerful Amore family of laughter-loving, faith-filled, and fiercely loyal family to one another. Not sure about your in-laws. When death invades your life, my in-laws were bulwarks of support and love. Being in their family is a privilege.

It is a privilege to have the bride I do. Her loyalty and pride in me is enormous, not to mention our love for each other.

It was a privilege to have our first born son for 28 years. The memory of his death is still like putting my heart through a shredder. What a privilege to have had his love. I recall the pleasure it gave me to stroke his chin as a sign of affection.

It is a privilege to see my children, as adults, who genuinely love one another. They call on one another and take pleasure in being together. It is a special privilege to see my sons grow into loving husbands and tenderly loving dads. With confidence, I look forward to the noble, loving man my daughter will one day marry and the proud Pop I'll be to walk her down the aisle.

It is a privilege to have great friends at our church. So many powerhouse men of faith who support men's ministry. The privilege of a great church community to worship with.

It is a privilege to serve and be a part of the Prince Ind family. Oh what a dear privilege to be invited into the good n difficult, the joyful n sorrowful, the confusion n clarity of God's working in their lives. Oh so privileged.

I keep rattling on, but you can make your own list of God-ordained privileges. Contemplate them. The reflection shouts away anxiety, it scares away the energy vampires that steal joy, it grows peace, a delicious peace in one's soul.

The supreme privilege in this reflection is that Jesus would consider me/you/us worthy enough to know him, love him, and serve him.

There is nothing I/we can earn to force true gifts in life. The rich ones are mere privileges granted my him.
I/we are all just beggars of his mercy and love. Supreme privileges given to his brothers and sisters.

How rich we are. This says it all:
"His grace alone is sufficient"

Upcoming:
Formista

Carinosamente,

Deacon Willie